I watched you as you were lying down next to me, but I didn’t see you anymore. I was wondering when you left and where you went. Why weren’t you there for me anymore? I stared at you blankly, not recognizing the person lying next to me anymore.
That was the thing I was afraid of. I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to make you feel anything less than precious, just what I’d always felt while I was next to you. All I wanted was to fall asleep in your arms, but now you were miles away and you didn’t love me anymore.
I wanted you to do something to me. Slap me! Scream! Shout! But no. All you did was lie down to sleep. Then I knew how it was all going to end. You’d tell me how your feelings had changed, you’d found someone else. Someone better? Prettier? No. Someone you loved.
My heart broke in an instant; just thinking about it made me feel uneasy and weak. I didn’t want you to leave. Just don’t leave!
The next morning you were gone before I was awake. The sheets were still warm and they smelled just like you. I knew that it would be the last time I would see you. I tried calling, messaging, I tried to look my best whenever I went out, but no. I didn’t see you ever again.
Maybe words weren’t the right way to tell me that it was over. You’d never been good with words. Actions were the most important part of a relationship for you. Now I see what you meant by that. You really didn’t need to say a word. Unspoken words are the worst.
I’d like to say that I hate you now. But I don’t. I would still take you back and I will always be the one waiting for you. Just please, if you come back, stay. These cold sheets are painful. They pierce my skin with marks that look like your hands.
I ache for your touch. I need you to hug me again. Please, hug me again.
I can taste all the memories in my mouth. Like poison, they drain my soul and my body. And it hurts me even more to know that I can’t change anything. But I wish I could. I really do wish I could.